Thursday, May 1, 2014

Stealers of the Pee

I should probably feel all special inside and almost celebrity-like considering in the last two days more people have wanted my pee than in my entire life time. 

What gets you to that kind of celebrity status? 

Having a random drug test and scheduling a doctor's appointment labs back to back. Well you can't really schedule a random drug test, but having enough luck for it to be scheduled one night and the next morning have your 12 hour fasting labs. That's the kind of luck I have, not winning a lottery or having a 50/50 chance at something having to sit uncomfortably in a small cramped bathroom with my pants around my ankles peeing into a small cylinder. Why don't they make pee cups larger? That way the odds of me missing and it going all over my hands and walking....well waddling to the sink with my pants around my ankles trying not to get the drips of pee that I just peed on my hand on any article of clothing that I own...won't happen, hopefully, as frequently. I'm not sure about you, but I've not quite mastered the peeing without peeing all over yourself bit. Maybe I'm just not in a field where peeing in a cup is second nature and I can do it with my eyes I haven't mastered that skill. Better add THAT one to the bucket list.

  • Have epic end of the world battle with long sticks of venison (as I'm fighting and I get hungry I can always take a bite or six)
  • Learn to pee into a cup successfully without spilling all over my hands/clothes/floor/toilet/the wall (bad day honestly)

You know...priorities here...epic end of the world battle first. If the end of the world comes, then I won't ever have to pee in a cup again until civilization is rebuilt up again. Then large pee cups will be invented by me and all will adore me like I'm awesome. 

I hope for my sake and probably yours, that I don't see one of these for a least 3-6 months for my next scheduled doctor visit...otherwise I sense another pee filled rant coming here. 

You've been warned. 

Tuesday, April 22, 2014

Really People....really....?

Cruising down the aisle at my local store that has a supply of both home and food items...I decided it's been a while since I've last bought a book and decided to see what is out there. With the huge hype up of all the erotica novels as of late I was hoping it has calmed down a bit and actual fiction is being published and sold now....oh boy was I wrong. 

I swear the entire "adult" fiction area was nothing BUT erotica novels. Now, don't get me wrong, I do love a good juicy story here and there but GOOD is they key word. I wasn't quick enough to take my camera...err phone...err...all in one device that some call a smart take a picture but it was filled with more erotica than actual fiction novels. I think it's a sad day in my life when I have to go to the "non-fiction" area to find a decent book (sorry non-fiction fans unless it's a cookbook and a damn good cook book I rarely ever seek you out so no angry hate mail on that subject) 

While I'm on pretty much any book-related website/blog out there, since well I'm a huge freaking nerd as you may have guessed, I've noticed a trend and let me see if you have noticed it also. All the printed books that you find in the store (minus YES a few jewels here and there - gosh no need to yell at your computer screen - I get it) are generally mass-produced pieces of well crap. However, if you take the time to cruise Amazon or Audible or any other wonderful e-book website realtor, you'll find that the GOOD books or the ones that SHOULD be published never published. So when I find an awesome book for 99 cents instead of $20 worth of a fire starter it makes me wonder if with the Twlight series we are just mass producing crap and keeping the real novels out of people's viewing so they have to hunt for deals. Or maybe it's like American Gladiator where they purposely do that to see who is the "strongest" to seek out and find the good books and who just grabs whatever the NY Times or Oprah tell you to read.